That Time I Peed on My Tan

It’s a real thing. A competition spray tan is not an ordinary spray tan. In fact, it is the FARTHEST thing from ordinary. Competing in a bodybuilding show requires an intense level of spray tan, in order for your physique to be showcased properly under the stage lighting. The golden bronze tones of the tan reflect off of the stage lighting to highlight and capture muscle definition.

Most competitors get their first coat of tan the day before their show and the remaining coats the morning of. It turns out, however, that the tanning process is a lot more complex than it seems. Once your first coat is on, this is only the beginning. Now you have to figure out how to function like a human until after the show, without ruining your tan.

If you’re not careful, any drop of water or liquid that touches your tan will absolutely take it off. This means being extremely careful when doing things like brushing your teeth, washing dishes, not letting your dog lick your leg, walking outside in the rain and going to the bathroom.

Let’s highlight going to the bathroom with your competition tan on. First of all, you need to master the art of ‘hovering’. You know, hovering, as in getting down into the squat position, holding that and ever so slightly keeping your behind off of the toilet seat to avoid rubbing off your tan back there. But wait there’s more! Now while holding that squat, with your legs burning, you must actually go to the bathroom…again without ruining your tan… all while in the small stall of some random school or venue bathroom.

So here’s our pro tip to successfully go to the bathroom with your tan on: use a Styrofoam cup! Cut out the bottom circle of a Styrofoam cup and let it act as a funnel for when you go to the bathroom and wa-la! It really is that simple. Cheap, convenient and works every time. You may however, want to have several Styrofoam cups on hand so you can dispose of the used ones. Good luck!